The Blog
15/10/2025 - Introductions?
Hello hello hello. What is this? A blog update!? Hasn't it been like two years since this section of the site got any attention? Let's just dust this off...
So I mirrored my site onto Neocities. This was partially to have a backup in case I ever stop paying for webhosting, and partially because I wanted to get more connected with a community, where I can see what everyone's doing and have more people look at my stuff. Striking out alone is nice and private and all but it also feels a bit demoralising to be typing into the void forever, so this felt like a decent next step.
With that said, I thought it'd be appropriate to give a little more of an insight into what my deal is and what my plans with the site are, if I'm reaching out to a wider readerbase of people who want to know these things. At least, I like seeing the blog updates and webmaster personalities of sites I follow. So yeah, let's get parasocial! I'm Callie! I'm one introverted son of a bitch with a pretty dark sense of humour who has typical 'creative nerd' hobbies—drawing, writing, OCs, games, anime, music, consuming media in general... but I am broken. I am a fallen creative nerd. Once upon a time I could happily dream up OC scenarios and write about them all day, but that changed in late 2023 when I developed schizophrenia and, after some rigamarole, got put on working antipsychotics. They're great in that they make me not be delusional and crazy! They're not great in that, whatever it is that makes them work, they also totally shut down my imagination and have killed my creative muse. Dude, I can't even feel my character voices. And my writing and drawing capabilities have become ass. And my memory's shot too. It ruined my creative hobbies, which was pretty much all my hobbies, in one swoop.
So where does that leave me and the site? It's in a bit of an awkward space, since the majority of the site is devoted to my OC content, and I'm not working on that anymore. I'll of course leave it up, since I am happy with what does exist, but going forward my focus will be more on my song translations and media logging, as well as any other ideas that come to mind. If I get in a good spell I might manage some writing again, but I don't anticipate that happening with any consistency. Still, fingers crossed.
As for myself... I am an aging psychology graduate whose primary interest was abnormal psychology and the effects of trauma on a developing psyche, as well as the alienation that can come with severe mental illness. These interests were channelled heavily into Gates of Heaven, which I dreamed to use as experience to eventually publish a book, though I don't think that feasible anymore. I spent several years fixated on ideas of God, Heaven, spirituality, and the afterlife, and have come to the conclusion that it's probably all bunk—though it's still nice to dream that there's something good after this life. I like words, languages, and history, though I'm more of a dabbler in these things. My favourite music is complex indie filth with meticulous lyrics. I'm not currently in any fandoms, but through the years I've enjoyed Invader Zim, Persona 4, Homestuck, Kino no Tabi, and Re: Zero. I make airs at being d33p, but I'm really a bit of a pleb.
Otherwise... I live a pretty uneventful, peaceful life, so I don't anticipate having too much to talk about. I'm very grateful to my friends and supporters who have stuck with me through the mess, and hope I can present something at least a little interesting to you lovely people on Neocities. Looking forward to getting to know you. Peace!
18/01/2023
I don't usually write my thoughts down in anything much less in blogs, but it felt obligatory to have one, so here it is. Remains to be seen if I'll use it.
I suppose you start one of these by saying what you've been up to. I've been planning for a trip to OHKN later this year. Arrangements probably won't be finalised for a while but I think progress right now is good.
Went on a bushwalk up to the dam, it was really nice. It used to be a water source for the region up until the 50s, and it has this cool, smooth waterfall that streams down through the rest of the bush. You can see the piping and stuff poking out from under the soil along the track. There's this one spot that's a dropoff to some boulders. They were probably carved out and dumped there by people when they were building the track.
There were swing bridges and I saw a couple fantails! They were a little different from normal ones, more brown around the head, but really cute when they chirped, like, 'beep beep'. Kinda like a goldfinch but more woodcock-y and less melodic. They were probably babies.
The top of it was beautiful. It's basically this smooth, flat lake that has a gentle flow down the waterfall. I took some photos. There were ducks living there! Just normal mallards and grey hybrids. The mountains behind contrast the flatness of the lake and make this vista. You can see the atmosphere occluding the further mountains more than the nearer ones too. And the lake was glittering like diamonds, it's cliche but it really is like that, it's from these pinpricks on the crests that act like the borders of the facets.
The day before that I fed the ducks. I got one of them to eat from my hand and it stepped on my foot so I felt it; their bills are rather tough and clacky, their bodies are firm but soft, and their feet are soft. They are so cute. One of them has a hurt wing, I noticed it a couple weeks ago but it seems to be doing ok. The only predators around are housecats and there's a ton of canadian geese also living in the area, so cats probably wouldn't bother with the ducks.
That's a pretty good blog I think! Sometimes I think writing things down makes them easier to recall, but harder to remember. Like if I put the sentiments down I'll only know them second-hand. That's the logic of why people vent, to get the feelings out. But people who vent a lot are usually angry again quickly so maybe it's just endogenous. Hurf hurf.
Or to be one of those people who does things explicitly to write about them in blogs. In some ways sounds like good motivation but I think talking about things detracts from them a bit. Sometimes things are presents, and it's for you, and you can only give them on to a person who's actually standing there. But even then what they'll see will be different things from you. Going out and about while thinking about an audience sounds really terrible. There's really only one person I'd like to think of that way.